


Chiaroscuro

by clantail (ideallyqualia)



Category: BIRDMEN - 田辺イエロウ | Tanabe Yellow
Genre: Canon Universe, Dreams, M/M, Pining, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-09
Updated: 2017-09-09
Packaged: 2018-12-25 13:07:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12036513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ideallyqualia/pseuds/clantail
Summary: "Are you ever going to come back?""Are you ever going to find me?"If Takayama spent any more time away, Eishi was going to forget he was a human and remember him as a god.





	Chiaroscuro

It felt like forever since Takayama left. No, it felt like he was here just last night, in Eishi's dream; Takayama was flying on white wings, and everything around him was also white, yet he still had the presence to appear and be recognized. His silhouette didn't have any shadows.

Eishi glanced down at himself and remembered he wasn't white, he was black, pure only in blackness of color. Eishi didn't think anything could be recognized about himself, either. There weren't any angles of light or other colors to frame his existence, yet here he was, able to see the wrinkles on his palms and the healthiness of his fingernails with clarity, as if this non-world of a dream had the freedom of a painter's palette after all. The sudden sharp awareness of these details in his hands made him almost afraid to look at Takayama again, and he didn't know why.

It was a miracle he could see Takayama at all. There was an indescribable depth to him the way Eishi could see his own hands, even though there wasn't any darkness to Takayama that would explain being able to see anything more of him than the shape of his body. Eishi could only conclude that he had developed a bizarre sixth sense, and that he could drown in it.

"Are you ever going to come back?" Eishi asked. Sound remained the same in this dream; Eishi felt relief in hearing himself speak, as if his own voice could grow apart.

"Are you ever going to find me?" Takayama asked.

Eishi had been prepared to ask the question when he met Takayama again, but he wasn't prepared for anything else after it. He had spent the time expecting an answer. He shouldn't have expected anything. The reason Takayama left in the first place was a mystery, and refusing to come back was a way to keep it a mystery. Even now, right in front of him, Takayama refused to apologize, explain, or at least say he missed him.

Takayama was smiling. Eishi couldn't stand it.

"Hey," Eishi said. "Say something. Or do I really need to hunt and chase you down to god-knows-where before I get any answers?"

Takayama stopped smiling. His wings flapped in thought. "You should."

Eishi almost had the nerve to reach forward and grab him, snap at him to say something useful, _meaningful_ \-- he had spent all this time scrambling for nothing and grasping at air, and now that Takayama was here, he was _not_ going to let this go to waste, there was _no_ reason for Takayama to say something and mean nothing and get away with everything -- but he didn't want to shatter this dream. It was the closest he had to being with Takayama, and demanding answers would trap him. Trapping a person who loved the sky and loved to fly was the worst thing anyone could do to that person.

"Eishi," Takayama said. "You understand why we can see each other like this, don't you?"

"Like _this_?" Eishi turned his hands over again and watched them. "No."

Takayama deflated. "You really don't?"

"I have no idea." Eishi glanced at Takayama's face. "Don't tell me _you_ know? You're the one who said you never understood anything about birdmen."

"You're right. I didn't understand anything until you came along." Takayama looked at him meaningfully, like he had finally given an answer.

"Talk, for once, if you want _me_ to understand," Eishi said.

"You understand enough to know that you can't see light unless there's a shadow, right?"

Eishi nodded.

"You are the shadow here. Except you lead."

Eishi opened his mouth to disagree, but in an instant the dream started draining, fading away but with force, and then Eishi really was drowning, in the boundaries between sleep and consciousness.

 

* * *

 

"What does it mean?" Eishi asked Sagisawa, after confessing what happened.

"If it's a white-out, then it should be the opposite of a nightmare."

Eishi didn't dare ask what that meant.

**Author's Note:**

> (General A/N): Not looking for concrit; don't leave any.


End file.
